There is always a specific reason we are attracted to one person over another – and it is nothing to do with rational decision-making. As the being, the existentia of these future people is conditioned by our instinct of sex in general, so is the nature, the essentia, of these same people conditioned by the selection that the individual makes for his satisfaction, that is to say, by love, and is thereby in every respect irrevocably established. The spirit of the species, which for the time being has got the individual into its possession, now frees him again. As a rule it carries out its ends, which, in keeping with true poetic justice, satisfies the spectator, because the latter feels that the purposes of the species widely surpass those of the individual. This kind of love does not always ruin the lives and well-being of both lovers, as Schopenhauer imagines it does, nor is it always irrational. A hero is ashamed of showing any kind of emotion but that which may be the outcome of love; the reason for this is, that when he is in love it is not he, but the species which is grieving. They are not indigenous to any other part of the world but Europe,—not even to the polar regions,—and are obviously of Scandinavian origin. The weaker a man is in muscular power, the more will he desire a woman who is muscular; and the same thing applies to a woman…. Moreover, these compatible relationships may involve stronger feelings of attraction and love than incompatible ones. Such things influence a rational selection in marriage, but they do not control passionate love, which is our matter. For this reason conjugal fidelity is artificial with the man but natural to a woman. Let it be said in passing that, however much my metaphysics of love may displease those in love, the fundamental truth revealed by me would enable them more effectually than anything else to overcome their passion, if considerations of reason in general could be of any avail. However much those of lofty sentiments, and especially of those in love, may refute the gross realism of my argument, they are nevertheless in the wrong. If guilt's in thy heart; Saevo mittere cum joco." On the other hand, that which appears as instinct of sex directed to a certain individual, is in itself the will to live as a definitely determined individual. Ultimately, however, we find him paying lip service to the beloved’s “irreplaceability” only to put forward views that are ultimately in tension with it. Every kind of love, however ethereal it may seem to be, springs entirely from the instinct of sex; indeed, it is absolutely this instinct, only in a more definite, specialised, and perhaps, strictly speaking, more individualised form. One can, of course, wonder whether Schopenhauer’s experiences of desiring women but being rejected by them influenced his views on love. Other’s love, and expect to find their greatest happiness in the enjoyment of it, do not avoid taking extreme steps, and prefer suffering every discomfort to sacrificing with their lives a happiness which is greater than any other they can conceive. This is why a man is always desiring other women, while a woman always clings to one man; for nature compels her intuitively and unconsciously to take care of the supporter and protector of the future offspring. It also ceases to exist when the end, which was in reality metaphysical, has been frustrated perhaps by the woman's barrenness (which, according to Hufeland, is the result of nineteen accidental defects in the constitution), just as it is frustrated daily in millions of crushed germs in which the same metaphysical life-principle struggles to exist; there is no other consolation in this than that there is an infinity of space, time, and matter, and consequently inexhaustible opportunity, at the service of the will to live. “Why is there all this noise? People who marry for love do so in the interest of the species and not of the individuals. After all, love is blind and we fall madly in love. "Und wenn der Mensch in seiner Quaal verstummt, Chamfort's utterance in this respect is remarkable: Quand un homme et une femme ont l'un pour l'autre une passion violente, il me semble toujours que quelque soient les obstacles qui les séparent, un mari, des parens, etc. Moreover, we are most keenly sensible of every malformation of the skeleton; as, for instance, a stunted, short-legged form, and the like, or a limping gait when it is not the result of some extraneous accident: while a conspicuously beautiful figure compensates for every defect. It is believed that dissimilarities in HMC genes influence attraction and mate choice today. Selection it entails, has obviously nothing to do with the chooser himself, although he fancies that it has. First of all let them take into consideration that the creature whom they are idealising to-day in madrigals and sonnets would have been ignored almost entirely by them if she had been born eighteen years previously. Blonde people fancy either absolutely dark complexions or brown; but it is rarely the case vice versâ. This is probably the only way in which to make the inner or subjective process, from which spring all manifestations of instinct, intelligible to us. Interestingly, though, there is a term that describes the sadness that washes over us following an orgasm: post-coital tristesse (tristesse is French for sadness) – also known as post-coital dysphoria. What manifests itself in the individual consciousness as instinct of sex in general, without being concentrated on any particular individual, is very plainly in itself, in its generalised form, the will to live. This is why little men prefer big women, and fair people like dark, and so on. The yearning of love, the ἱμερος, which has been expressed in countless ways and forms by the poets of all ages, without their exhausting the subject or even doing it justice; this longing which makes us imagine that the possession of a certain woman will bring interminable happiness, and the loss of her, unspeakable pain; this longing and this pain do not arise from the needs of an ephemeral individual, but are, on the contrary, the sigh of the spirit of the species, discerning irreparable means of either gaining or losing its ends.